How to deal with one of "Them"

So last night as Oley slept I perused the internet.  I found myself reading blogs of birthmothers and how they have made it through their placement journey.  After reading through 3 or 4 of these and connecting at a level that I don't think others outside of adoption understand, I realized how much it will help as we communicate with our birth mom, especially after the placement and how to best help her grieve/celebrate her decision.  As I was running this morning the thought came to me that we have never really let anyone and I mean ANYONE know what it truly is like to be the infertile couple, and not only the infertile couple but the infertile couple that is active in the church where every conversation includes the infamous question "how many children do you have?"  You know that if you don't answer in such a way you are going to get the awkward sympathy and silence from that person, because for some reason they just don't understand it's okay, you weren't going to open up to them the most personal trial you are going through and you most definitely don't want their sympathy (every infertile woman knows what I am talking about).  So this post isn't for me, it isn't for sympathy, it's for all those who have no idea how to communicate/interact with an infertile couple.  We are only able to share this becuase we have turned our weaknesses over to the Lord and through his atonement have been healed, yeah there are still the occasional situations that bring out hard times, but after 4.5 years of pain and hurt we know this is the hand we were dealt, it has strengthened our marriage in a way never imagined, and started us on a journey that will provide a lifetime of blessings. 
After finding out that it could potentially be extremely difficult to get pregnant because my tubes become blocked due to the endometriosis, Oley insisted that we grow something together.  You guessed it that's when Dinky became the love we would grow together.  Lesson #1 - Encourage this, it's good for a couple to have something to grow together.  I will have to say I was not excited in the least bit to get a dog, but it proved to be a great decision.
Once my tubes were cleared and still nothing Oley got the joy of partaking in the surgery fun.  Lesson #2 - Don't joke with others, until you are positive they are clearly over it.  After this surgery and still nothing we knew it wasn't going to happen, and that's when the grieving/healing needed to start.  Since I was set on a graduate education we played it off as though I didn't want children until I was done with school, deep down we would have given anything to have a little one.  So here are a few of the tips that I can think of at the moment for those who interact with a couple who haven't received the blessing of children quite yet, I am sure there are many more:
1) Never tell a woman that as her husband rolls around on the floor with the kids and makes them squeal that your husband is going to be the greatest dad and encourage them they should start having children - yes, she probably is well aware her husband is going to be a great dad, that was probably one of the traits she looked for before they married.
2) Just because the couple doesn't have kids doesn't mean they don't want to be invited to hang out with those that do.  Yes, they may decline, but probably not, it's good to have a social life (when you are members in a church where every couple your age has children and live in a neighborhood, yes that does mean they are going to have to hang out with those with children)
3) Don't assume that having them babysit your children is a burden.  This is actually one of the only times they will get to have children in their home, so it's more of a therapy.  Think of it as a free babysitting service, and a great therapy for them!
4)  Along those lines, just because they don't have children doesn't mean they don't know how to care for one. 
5)  Don't assume because they have been "financially blessed" they are just prolonging children because they like to buy toys and travel with no-strings attached.  Infertile couples wonder what it's actually like to have to live paycheck-to-paycheck sacrificing school books for diapers.
6) Never ask when they plan to start a family.
7) Just becuase they can't become pregnant doesn't mean that they don't like to hear that others are or attend baby showers, yes it may be hard, but it's better to hear from the source than through the grapevine.
8) When celebrating mother's day or father's day don't wish them a happy mother's day, it's as if pouring salt into the wounds. 
9)  Don't offer your advice on how great or horrible you feel fertility treatments may be and whether they are a righteous thing to do. 
10) Don't feel like you need to provide them sympathy, they don't desire sympathy (well we didn't) we just wanted to be treated normally.
11) Maintain you friendship with them even after you have children and they don't.  No they don't feel like it's a burden to have your children over too, they probably actually enjoy it.
12)  Don't feel like because they don't have a baby, doesn't mean they don't want to hold yours for you when you need a free hand.
13) Don't ever ask "had you known before would you have married your spouse," of course they would, they love them and they are still together.
14) Never ask if they are "doing it" right...seriously I think there is only one way to do it! 
15) Support them in their decisions.  They know what is best for their family and if they have come to a decision they have had time to cope and are ready for the next steps.
16) Lastly and most importantly, I hear this time and time again from couples I know who struggle with this, just trust them with your children. 

It takes a long time to overcome something you had dreamed about your entire life, so because it takes some couples a few months and others years to decide what their next step is going to be, let it be they are well aware they are only getting older.  But it takes time!